Rob on Breaking Dawn Part 1

(Source: fadingspells)

posted 2 weeks ago via rpattzhateshislife
robert-pattinson-hates-his-life:

Not only can this boy derp like no other, but in a miniature act of rebellion (or perhaps not, but we like to think it is) Rob has SHAVED OFF his Edward Cullen bouffant but KEPT the hideous hobo scruff! 
And he’s definitely trading up in the lady department. 100 points to Hufflepuff for the glory of Betty White and significant absence of Kristen Stewart. 

Kristen could not be reached for comment but she did release the following response:

robert-pattinson-hates-his-life:

Not only can this boy derp like no other, but in a miniature act of rebellion (or perhaps not, but we like to think it is) Rob has SHAVED OFF his Edward Cullen bouffant but KEPT the hideous hobo scruff! 

And he’s definitely trading up in the lady department. 100 points to Hufflepuff for the glory of Betty White and significant absence of Kristen Stewart. 

Kristen could not be reached for comment but she did release the following response:

(Source: alira7)

robert-pattinson-hates-his-life:

“I literally need to stop speaking.”

Hush, baby. Calm your tits. 

It’s going to be okay. 

It’s not.

We’re here for you, Sparkles. We’re here for you.

(Source: weheartpattinson)

fuckyeahtwilightsucks:

hahah, I am enjoying this. 

“K-Stew” retelling a Christmas tale. 

posted 1 month ago via fuckyeahtwilightsucks

(Source: cockapella)

posted 1 month ago via fuckyeahtwilightsucks

alligatorsaurus:

story of my life

posted 2 months ago via alligatorsaurus

panasonicyouth:

loving her just as much as rpattz

now taylor lautner must also mock the series to complete the holy trinity

(Source: fadingspells)

posted 2 months ago via panasonicyouth

Robert Pattinson insulting Twilight:

neighborhoodspaceman:

liquornspice:

strugglingtobeheard:

He’s creeped out by the book, and its author, Stephenie Meyer:

“When I read it … I was convinced that Stephenie was convinced that she was Bella, and … It was like it was a book that wasn’t supposed to be published, like reading her - her sort of sexual fantasy about some - especially when she says that it was based on a dream, and it’s like, ‘Oh, then I had a dream about this really sexy guy’ and she just writes this book about it, and there’s some things about Edward that are just so specific that … I was just convinced that this woman is mad, she’s completely mad, and she’s in love with her own fictional creation.

“And I sometimes … Feel uncomfortable reading this thing, and I think a lot of people feel the same way, that it’s kind of voyeuristic … It creates this sick pleasure in a lot of ways.”

(From a 2008 video interview with E!Online, which has been widely quoted but since removed.)

He can’t stand Edward Cullen:

“Girls often say that Edward’s ‘sooo perfect,’ but he’s not. I do not like people who try to exert control in a relationship, when there is an imbalance. This is very wrong and very strange.”

- Last month, at a Q&A in Brussels.

“… The more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that’s how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself.”

- October 2008, to Empire magazine

He thinks the Breaking Dawn plot is ludicrous:

“Have sex, demon baby. No, they get married first, demon baby, Jacob falls in love with the little baby [laughs], then everyone tries to kill each other, but nothing happens. Oh, that’s the second one [laughs even harder].”

July, at ComicCon.

And - horror - he mocks the highly-anticipated sex scene. (For non-Twihards: in the book, Edward gets fairly rough on honeymoon, and hates himself for hurting Bella.)

“I wanted to have it as a line so much. [He switches to an ‘Edward’ accent] ‘I bit through all the pillows. Every. Single. One.’ And then he’d start crying. By the way, that’s what he should be ashamed of in the morning. All those beautiful pillows! Egyptian cotton! (Laughs) ‘I ruined this bed!’”

August, to Entertainment Weekly.

This makes everything make sense about why this movie is so funny! 

This is why he amuses me so!

It’s going to be alright, Robert Pattinson.

(Source: expectotardis)

posted 2 months ago via neighborhoodspaceman
storyodaboy:

And this is on a good day…

storyodaboy:

And this is on a good day…

Then, for just a second, I saw that same odd vision of Edward and me on a porch swing, wearing clothes from another kind of world. A world where it would surprise no one if I wore his ring on my finger. A simpler place, where love was defined in simpler ways. One plus one equals two….

Eclipse, chapter fourteen, page 325

So I’m about two-thirds of the way through my edit of the Mark Reads Eclipse eBook. It’s taking me longer than I anticipated because of life getting in the way, it being a longer book, my growing desire to change every word I’ve ever written, and this. By “this,” I’m referring to the fact that I have lost the ability to make fun of Twilight at this point. I had forgotten that Eclipse and Breaking Dawn are severely lacking in laugh-inducing absurdity. Instead, Meyer trades this in for bigoted wank that is barely hidden below the surface. In fact, in the case of this quote, found on page 325, I am completely shocked that even the Twilight fandom didn’t shake their heads before devouring the rest of these books with glee.

I don’t even feel it’s subtle. She spells it out. Bella wishes she could reverse time one hundred years in the past in order to live in the world where it’s okay for a woman to be super young (remember, Edward is over 100 years old) and marry an older man. Additionally, Meyer posits simplicity as something to be desired, and in those days, marriage was only between one man and one woman, and the variations on this hardly existed as they do now. 

I have a lot of hatred for this series, and adapting my reviews for book form has reminded me of a lot of things that make me want to sit Meyer down and shriek in her face about what an awful thing she’s done. (Oh god, the Jasper racism chapter is HORRENDOUS, as is everything involving Leah Clearwater, and NEED I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IMPRINTING ON NEWBORNS AND INFANTS sweet fucking christ.)

Not all of it is blatant and I recognize that. This is. Meyer wants to view history through a revisionist lens in order to paint it as a time of romance and chivalry. I would like to remind her that a great deal of people don’t have the luxury to do so.

Oh, and fuck you, Stephenie Meyer.

(via panasonicyouth)

Love Mark so much.